Like this:

Years ago, when my father was still alive, I had a tradition and a dance between us that was alive and well. It was this ritual of taking a twenty step walk to our mail box in Apple Valley, pulling a pile of mails out – a regular combination of 80% junk and 20% real. Stuck somewhere in the pile would be a letter from my dad.

It was always handwritten in the most beautiful cursive. You would have thought that’s what my dad did for a living – teach reading, writing and arithmetic. I guess he did because that was one of the things I aspired to – write with the style and command of the English language like my dad did.

Writing about this got me into thinking about why my dad wrote in English. I know he did because he was a renaissance man. He lived in two worlds – “ancient” and “modern”, African (Efik/Ibibio) and European. My dad knew that the key to success was in bridging the gap between the two worlds. He made me never forget to bridge the gap. I am thankful that I paid attention.

Now, enough of the detour. Back to the letters from my father. They were those three-dimensional ones, the kind you would re-read a dozen times over, think repeatedly about starting a library to archive them and maybe even frame some for display. They were the kind that made you want to halt what was going on around the world because you had something important to share. That’s exactly how I felt, that’s exactly what I did.

The letters dad wrote were about my development, my educational and professional accomplishments, my marriage, parenting, money, relationships, Nigeria, extended family, America, networking, alliances and special friendships. The impact on me was of one’s lifelong coach cheering them on, holding the mirror and reflecting back one’s brilliance and magnificence. It was of one’s mentor sharing their experiences about life and naming and celebrating what they see in their mentee.

So when I looked through the pile of mails and saw one written at camp and addressed to Mommy & Daddy Udo, my attention was piqued. It was handwritten by my 15-yo daughter E-mee. When I opened it, it read:

“Mommy & Daddy,

I am extremely happy that I came to beach camp. Everyday we worship and talk and it really connects with me but tonight, Wednesday, really hit home. We talked about how hurtful little words can be to people and I really felt it because of all the times I’ve been put down by peers. I’ll tell you more about the skit when I get home.

I feel like a changed person and want to live my life fully and completely for God. I have heard many heartbreaking stories and it makes me thankful for growing up with such genuine, caring parents. I thought that there were responsibilities that come with being a parent and there are, but I’ve realized how rare it is that parents actually fulfill their responsibilities with such love and I REALLY want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You guys literally are the number one mom and dad and I am willing to argue that until the day I die. I can never say thanks too many times but thank you.

Sincerely,

Emem, E-mee, MeMe, Unwa Papa

ILove U.”

This one transported me to a place of utter joy and fulfillment. I was sitting on our deck. The timing couldn’t have been much better for sitting right next to me was my daughter. I took a deep breadth, took a moment and acknowledged my daughter for her heart and depth of caring. I took two steps towards where she was laying on the recliner and gave her a big hug and told her how much I love her.

I have received many awards in my lifetime. All of them were in the academic and professional arenas. None compares to the intricate dance between a parent and a child, a dad and a daughter, woven together by a handwritten letter fresh off the mail box. NOTHING!

Wherever you are in your life and whatever your relationships, I hope one of those letters will be from your parent or child. I also hope that one of those letters that keep us grounded and ensures that one matters is one written by YOU.

For starters:

• What kinds of letters do you write to your children?
• What kinds are your children writing to you in return?
• What kind of relationship are you nurturing with your children?
• What are your hopes and dreams for what it could be?

I hope you are invested in nurturing relationships that truly last with your children and that you go for the impact it can have on them and the future of our communities and world.

I celebrate the strong, wise, self-assured and beautiful young woman my daughter E-mee is becoming. As Lee Ann Womack sings, I hope she continues to dance especially when she gets a chance to sit it out or dance.

I hope I continue to nurture that spirit of confidence and freedom that allows her to spread her wings and soar.

With love, respect and gratitude,

Okokon

Advertisement